Donald Trump may be struggling in the polls, but his legacy is already more set in stone than Labour’s 2015 manifesto. He will be the man that gave America it’s most controversial, offensive, quotable presidential election of all time.
If you steer clear of the really bad bits, some of his campaign has been quite funny. We decided to make a run down of the top 10 moments.
1.“Look at those hands, are they small hands…I guarantee there’s no problem”
Donald Trump has loads of money, which American men love, because being rich is the American version of being clever. But the days where money was enough to get you into the oval office are over, the modern American man likes his presidents like he likes his guns; ‘the bigger the better’.
With that in mind, Trump thought he’d remind us all of his key credentials. Who needs strategy when you’ve got big hands?
2.Trump calls Obama the “founder of Isis”
America’s history in the middle-east is a troubled one, and all signs point to far greater challenges ahead in the future. Therefore, it’s vital that the next President of America has a good grasp of what’s going on over there.
Hillary Clinton may have been Secretary of State for four years, but its Trump who really understands – he’s got it all figured out. You can see why Americans feel so alienated by Obama if he’s the founder of Isis. SuperTrump to the rescue.
3. Trump blames China for global warming
Donald doesn’t seem to like China, even though a lot of the products he sells are made there. A few months ago he claimed China’s relationship with the USA was equivalent to rape, an ill-chosen metaphor were he any other politician in history.
He also blames China for the myth of global warming, so if Donald wins the presidency we can expect a few 21st century edits of this:
4. “I love Hispanics”
This is a personal favourite. As everybody knows, Donald Trump is not a racist, if he was a racist, he wouldn’t keep insisting that he’s not. But if you’ve ever wondered how you can prove you’re not racist when everybody keeps telling you that you are, then Trump has the solution: cook a Latin American dish in your restaurant. He thought he better add in ‘I love hispanics’ too for good measure, well who doesn’t?!
5.We could say politically correct that the look doesn’t matter, but the look obviously matters. Like you wouldn’t have your job if you weren’t beautiful.”
America is not short of great feminists; Emma Goldman, Betty Friedan, Angela Davis, and so many more. Donald Trump though, free from the shackles of political correctness, won’t be joining that list.
6. “I have great respect for women. I was the one that really broke the glass ceiling on behalf of women, more than anybody in the construction industry”
Or maybe he will be? Could just do with a little clarification on exactly how you broke the glass ceiling Donald and we might be able to pop you on the list after all.
7. Donald Trump Jam
Nobody can be sure why, but someone behind Donald’s bid for the Whitehouse evidently thought that his campaign was running a bit stale. Step-forward Florida school girls draped in American flags. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite go to plan: Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen weren’t available to write the song, and Len Goodman couldn’t make it over for the choreography because he’s scared of flying.
Please be warned: Cringeworthy viewing, even by campaign songs’ standards
8.“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?”
Donald Trump is a very important man. He’s the kind of man that gets invited to dinners, gets front-seats at the basketball, and visits Sting backstage. He was probably in the Queen’s box for the Royal variety show last year.
Apparently, there’s no limit to what Donald Trump’s importance will allow him to see. He tried to deny this one, deleting the tweet after it was posted, but the internet is an unforgiving place for a politician.
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